Vote for the BIG DEAL!

Friends, fellow members, concerned citizens of every stripe:

Are you tired of people telling you that whatever you want, it can't be done? Tired of those same old lame excuses like "we don't have the money, we don't have the space, we don't have the manpower"? I say to them: Pfaugh! IRM wasn't built in a day by people saying it can't be done! Are you fed up with leaders who aren't willing to promise you everything you want? Well, so am I, and that's why I'm running for President of IRM! So at the Annual Meeting, demand a change from the status quo and cast your vote for President for ME!

Did I mention that also on the ticket are Frank Hicks for Vice-President and David Wilkins for Attorney General? Where could you find a more unique management team than that? After all, if we're capable of putting together a popular blog like this that's read by hundreds of people each year at no cost to us, we must obviously be capable of directing a multi-million dollar operation like IRM. So when you receive your ballot for electing the President, cross out those choices they give you, like Mr. Tweedledee and Mr. Tweedledum, and write in my name. Really, given a choice between the nattering nabobs of negativism and the palavering pashas of positivism, who are you gonna choose? Us, right? Right!

Huge crowds of supporters listening to ME.

Our political program is called the "Big Deal" because it includes lots of goodies for everyone. It's too complicated for the average person to understand, which is why we're having trouble figuring it out ourselves, but I hope we'll at least have a firm outline by the Annual Meeting ten days from now. No more business as usual! No more listening to "realists" with their tired excuses! For one thing, financial problems are a thing of the past. We should shortly be receiving a substantial sum as a commission for helping some friends of ours in Nigeria, and once a few misunderstandings are cleared up, we'll have plenty of money.

Now I know you'll hear all sorts of nay-sayers telling you why you can't vote for me, with complicated technical reasons or something. Don't listen to them, they're part of a vast conspiracy to deprive you of your rights. Unfortunately I myself won't be at the meeting. It was rescheduled for April 10th, which is actually my anniversary, and we had other plans. (Another conspiracy!) But don't let that stop you! It's time to demand a change from the status quo with a vote for ME! My name is Randall Hicks and I approved this message, since I wrote it myself.

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We now return you to our regularly scheduled nonsense.